unlimited free time has been thrust upon me (ง ͠ಥ_ಥ)ง

part two of the unlimited free time saga. 

if you've read any of my blog, you now know my most current trauma...well, half of it, but we can get into that another time b/c lets be real, ONE step at a time, I'm only human after all.

i am suddenly unemployed & trying to recover (physically, mentally, and emotionally) from my workaholic, imposter syndrome living hell nightmare of a life. 

 i've talked about daily tasks i've set for myself, you know, to encourage good thoughts/ habits. In the midst of this i've decided im going to redo the house. Make the space I live in an outward manifestation of the life I want to have. 

Normally I didn't spend any time at home, but now that I am, HELLO, this place is depressing as heck.  

I'm starting with the two most important places. My room and the kitchen. Time to early 2000s rom-com the hell out of my home. It needs to be cozy, warm, fun, and full of life. 

Drop recommendations and inspo for the Rom-Com Reno and let me know if you want me to vlog/ document the journey.

xoxo- 

a girl in need of a pink hard hat 

hold me accountable 𖹭

 Also, I've decided in my rock-bottom, suddenly unemployed, depressed diva era that I am going to focus on healing myself. 

For as long as I can remember, I've done everything I've been told. I focused on school, I focused on my career, I focused on being selfless, on giving everything to make sure people were comfortable even at the expense of myself. Not anymore. It's not that I want to give up those parts of myself, but I want to put myself first for me; think of this like the 75 Hard challenge but for my personal glow-up. 

Let's create some attainable guidelines for this next month: 

𖹭 Workout 5 times a week 

𖹭 Must do 2 out of 3 of these each day: Do my hair, do my makeup, or wear a cute outfit.

𖹭 Only one non-water drink a day (I.E., coffee, soda, juice, smoothies)

𖹭 Eating out limited to once a week

𖹭 Blog at least once a day 

𖹭 Do at least one fun activity a week (going out with friends/hike/movies)

Now I do need yall to keep me on this divalicious path and hold me accountable. 

I'll be checking in (maybe i can find a like a widget to check of each day.)

Blogger 101: Step One: Setting Up Your Page

How To Be a Blogger 101

Step One: Setting Up Your Page

♡ in need of a little social interaction ♡

I wish all of the people who followed me would interact more with my posts. Like comment on my stuff; I wanna get to know yall (╥ᆺ╥;)

also idk what else i want to put on my page. I know I want to make a page for all my thrift hauls and stuff, but like idk how I want all of it to look. Hitting Pinterest like it's my day job (honestly it is rn now since im currently unemployed) 

xoxo-

a girlie in need of friends

men are weird

Today I had to get my car inspected because i'm about to go on a road trip and obvi wanted my car all ready. Tell me why the guy behind the counter was hella weird. 

First impression was him on the phone chatting about breaking down some door because she's locked out and why the fire department has to break down the door and blah blah blah. 

Then he says Love you, bye and hangs up, and then says, "Dumb Bitch" then looks up and says to my mom and me, "Yesss, I just called my GF a dumb bitch." 

My literal reaction. I didn't laugh, just that face. By the grace of women kind, another customer came in, and I was released from my burden of acknowledging that man's "jokes".

.✦ ݁˖brain break .✦ ݁˖

 thank God i have some awesome best friends. they are doing a wonderful job at making me not feel like a lump of humanity. 

took a break from feeling overwhelmingly sad and pathetic and went thrifting. <3

now i did the CUTEST pair of Guess heels. ugh, let me stop yapping and figure out how i want to set up fashion tab so i can show you guys. 

also i have to pack for my trip next week.

xoxo

ngl

 you know how they say you'll have your ups and downs during grieving; well, i'm on a major down. 

it's so frustrating wanting to be okay and not being okay, even though you are desperately trying to be okay. Sitting here with puffy, bloodshot eyes, trying to dissociate because right now, feeling nothing is better than whatever i'm currently feeling. 

i wish someone could tell me all the right choices to make but then again i thought i was doing everything everyone was asking of me, but it was turned into ....something else... you know like being turned into a monster and being fired. 

inside thoughts...

 There's nothing really new on my front, but I thought I'd give a little update. 

Still depressed and emotionally numb about the whole job thing. Like, what do I even do about that? The way everything happened just... I feel so absolutely yuck on the inside. 

I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle everything, but I feel so isolated and alone. Like I don't want to see anyone I know; I don't want to explain what happened a million times. And I know, I know I don't owe anyone an explanation, but let's be real: if I don't give them one, they'll just be making it up in their heads. 

I just feel so conflicted and sad, but I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to grieve just not for too long. Those people and that company clearly didn't care about me so why spend an excessive amount of time grieving their newfound absence in my life. 

Here's to hoping the hollowness in my chest will slowly start going away sooner rather than later. 

xoxo- 

a girl who is completely lost