I'm not just sad; I'm devastated.

I was right; I was fired today.

I don't even know what to say. I don't know what to do. All the words in my brain, and I can't quite capture how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking. 

I'm trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong, when it was decided that I am someone I'm not. 

I'm replaying a lot of little moments from the past few years in my head, and I'm frustrated. I'm not just sad; I'm devastated. I feel so gross inside my heart.

Like if you had allowed me to grow and "correct" my mistakes instead of deciding I was expendable and difficult, but they didn't.

The idea that people feel "unsafe" with me because of predicaments I was put in with no tools or guidance. I was just doing my best with the knowledge I had. With the tools I was left with. 

I have to throw up. 

To be, or not to be, that is my question.